Bullying is a persistent issue in many societies, affecting individuals who are perceived as different. For Datin Nora Abu Hassan, her journey with a cleft lip and palate (CLP) not only exposed her to the harsh realities of bullying but also inspired her to become a beacon of hope and resilience for others. Today, she is a motivational speaker, book author and social activist, dedicated to creating awareness about CLP and advocating for self-acceptance and anti-bullying.
Nora’s life has been a testament to perseverance. Born with a unilateral complete cleft lip and palate, she underwent eight to 10 surgeries from the tender age of three months until her 30s. These surgeries were part of a transformative process consisting of two parts: repair and refinement.
Nora and her dad
“My childhood was not easy,” Nora shares with Positive Parenting. “People may not know that there are a lot of variations of cleft lip and palate.” She explains the four main variations: cleft lip, cleft palate, unilateral cleft lip and palate (a single opening from the lip to the palate), and bilateral cleft lip and palate (openings on both sides from the lip to the palate).
Growing up with CLP, Nora faced numerous challenges, including difficulties with feeding, speech and ear infections. However, the social challenges were perhaps even more daunting. “Going to school, looking different was not easy for me,” she reflects. “There were always children bullying, calling me names, mocking, teasing… ‘Oh senget, sengau, sumbing’. It was a very difficult childhood.”
The bullying persisted throughout her childhood. Nora recalls: “The unpleasantness of bullying and name-calling started right from when I was in Standard One up to 17. Only after I went for my first rhinoplasty did the name-calling stop.”
Path to healing
Nora’s journey to self-acceptance was gradual. The mother of three describes her transformation in three phases. The first phase, before her reconstructive surgeries, was marked by low self-esteem and anger. In the second phase, despite having undergone several surgeries, she still struggled with internal emotional turmoil. It was only in the third phase, beginning around 2000, that Nora embarked on a journey of healing. Writing her book, Born to Smile, was a significant part of this phase.
The author and her book, Born to Smile
“I wrote the book to share my experiences,” Nora explains. Released in October 2019, just before the pandemic, the book has been instrumental in raising awareness about CLP and providing a platform for others to share their stories here in Malaysia. “Because of my own journey, I wanted to motivate and inspire adults with CLP and mothers of CLP children. When they read the book, I hope they will realise that when they embrace their differences, they can become all that they want to be and fulfil their destiny,” she says.
“Until the book came out, I hadn’t really talked to anyone about my experiences. I only spoke to my mother when I was younger, at about seven or eight, when I couldn’t stand the bullying anymore; I didn’t want to go to school. My mother would go and speak to the cikgu or headmistress,” Nora reveals, admitting that apart from this, she never really had a heart to heart talk with her parents about what she was going through.
“Emotionally, I felt I was on my own. My father was a very busy person and I was the eldest child. With all due respect to my mother and father, parenting in those days was very different. These days, I would tell parents that you need to do better. When you see your child looking sad, or downtrodden, you need to talk to them – and not just those with cleft issues, but any issues whether it is differently coloured skin or differently shaped bodies – there are all kinds of bullies out there. Bullying is rampant. As parents, we need to be alert and aware of what our kids may be facing at school.”
Traumatised by the constant bullying and in so much pain, Nora had no option but to rewire her mind and visualise herself in a better place, in a happier person. “Whenever I felt hurt and upset, I would think positive thoughts to ‘transport’ myself to a happy place so that I wouldn’t feel so bad,” she says. “Later, when I became an adult and embarked on my journey of healing, I realised that I had been inadvertently harnessing the power of my subconscious mind… I had already been practising self-healing techniques before I knew anything about them!”
Message of hope
During the pandemic, Nora adapted to the new normal by taking her advocacy online. “I saw people having programmes, interviews, and online talk shows, reaching out to people. So, I decided to start my own show, Smile With Nora, on Facebook Live,” she says. The fortnightly show features guests from the cleft community, including mothers, children, plastic surgeons, ENT specialists, and speech therapists. You can tune in to Nora’s shows by following her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/nora.hassan.9250).
She has also been involved with Ronald McDonald House Charities Malaysia (RMHC) as a project partner in their CSR project ‘Gift of Smile’, aimed at helping CLP children who come from underprivileged families by sponsoring their treatments (speech, dental care, orthodontics, bone grafts, and corrective surgeries).
During the World Smile Day celebration
At the Ronald McDonald House
Nora emphasises the importance of creating awareness about CLP and providing support for affected families. “If your child is born with cleft, it’s okay. Just go for the corrective surgeries, and if you are not okay about it, that’s okay too! It takes time for one to accept their condition or the condition of their loved one.”
Nora’s story is not just about living with a facial difference; it’s about overcoming adversity and finding strength in vulnerability. She urges parents and society to be more understanding and supportive.
“I was very fortunate as my parents always stood by me, and took me for surgery right from the start; my mother was there with me throughout all my surgeries, every single one of them. It is a big job for the parents to reach out and get help, so we as a society should give them a bit of understanding. Be mindful with your words because that person can spiral downward if you are careless with how you speak to them.”
Through her work, Nora continues to inspire and empower others, proving that resilience and a positive mindset can transform lives. Her journey is a powerful reminder that acceptance and love, both from within one’s own family and from the wider community, are the keys to overcoming the challenges posed by differences.
Scan the QR code to buy the e-book version of Born to Smile:
