Human babies are vulnerable and helpless. As infants, our children depend on us for everything – feeding, cleaning up, safety, comfort, and all kinds of needs. Hence, earliest emotional bonds or attachments with the people who care for them – typically the birth parents – are vital, not just when they are growing up, but also for shaping their future relationships as adults.
What is attachment?
Attachment is a strong and lasting emotional bond between two individuals in which the presence or closeness of a person provides a sense of comfort and security to the other person. This can be observed in relationships, for example between parents and children, siblings, and life partners.
Attachment theory was first described by John Bowlby (1950), a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, as one of the earlier psychological explanations that emphasises the crucial role of early attachment between infants and their parents or caregivers (attachment figures) in their social-emotional development.
Attachment theory proposes that babies have an innate drive to form attachments with their caregivers. This instinct to seek for attachment is crucial for survival in infancy as children who maintained closeness to an attachment figure are more likely to receive comfort and protection and survive to adulthood. Hence, when infants are stressed, threatened, or frightened, they typically will display attachment behaviours (e.g. crying, clinging) to attract the attention of their primary attachment figure.
When a caregiver is present and responsive to an infant’s needs and attachment behaviours, they provide comfort and allow the infant to develop a sense of security. This teaches the infant that they can depend on the caregiver and allows them to explore the world more confidently. This theory also suggests that initial caregiver-child attachment is a key factor in the formation of relationships throughout the child’s life.
Stages of attachment
- Asocial/pre-attachment (0 – 6 weeks): Young infants do not show any particular attachment to any figure. Most stimuli produce a favourable reaction from them, like a smile. They begin to learn that signals such as crying and fussing will attract the attention of their caregiver.
- Indiscriminate attachment (6 weeks – 7 months): Infants develop trust that their caregiver will respond to their needs. Initially, most infants respond equally to any caregiver. From three months, infants start to distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar people. They still accept care from others but respond more positively to the primary caregiver.
- Specific attachment (7 – 9 months): Babies seek a particular figure for comfort and security when distressed. They show a strong attachment and preference for one specific person (the primary attachment figure). They show unhappiness when separated from the primary attachment figure (separation anxiety) and look anxious around strangers (stranger anxiety).
- Multiple attachments (10 months onwards): Babies begin to be more independent and are able to form multiple attachments with other caregivers, such as the second parent, older siblings, and grandparents. These attachments vary in strength and importance to the infants.
Attachment styles
Once children reach the toddler age, they begin to establish their attachment style, which is a particular way a person relates to other people. Here are four attachment styles:
- Secure attachment: Children with a secure attachment show distress when separated from their caregiver and are easily comforted when the caregiver returns. They are assured that their caregiver will respond appropriately to their needs and regard the caregiver as a secure base to return to when exploring their environment. This is the most common attachment style.
- Anxious/ambivalent attachment: Children with an anxious attachment become very distressed when separated from their caregiver and are difficult to comfort when the caregiver returns. They are not sure if their caregiver will be available and can respond appropriately to their needs. They are also less confident in exploring their environment and cautious of strangers.
- Dismissive/avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment show little or no distress when separated from their caregiver and tend to ignore or avoid the caregiver when they return. They appear to manage their own distress and do not show any signals seeking for comfort. They also tend to show no preference between a caregiver and a stranger.
- Disorganised/fearful attachment: Children with a disorganised attachment show a confusing mix of reactions, like freezing up or looking disoriented, when their caregiver leaves or returns. They are unable to resolve their distress based on their relationship with their caregiver. This attachment style is linked to inconsistent caregiver responses, in which the caregiver may be a source of both comfort and fear. This is the least common attachment style.
The impact of early attachment on future relationships
Children who are securely attached tend to be more independent and resilient, have stronger self-esteem, and perform better in school. Attachment style during childhood can also influence their ability to form healthy relationships as an adult, including their romantic relationship.
Research shows that attachment styles can influence communication between partners, the risk of violence in relationship, as well as overall marriage quality. And once they become a parent themselves, their attachment style may also play a role in shaping their attachment with their own children. Hence, without any change or new learning, it is possible for one’s attachment style to be passed down and repeated over generations.
However, various other factors are at play as well in shaping our relationships with others, not just attachment style. For example, your parenting style, be it authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, or uninvolved, also plays a significant role in nurturing the development of your child’s self-concept and self-confidence.
As a parent, the best thing you can do to establish a secure attachment with your child is by being sensitive to their attachment signals and responding appropriately to their needs. If you are concerned about your child’s behaviour, consult a healthcare provider, such as a clinical psychologist, to assess the situation accordingly in order to formulate a treatment plan to manage the issue effectively.
