Children today have become much more intelligent and inquisitive than ever before. This is not surprising considering the abundance of easily accessible information on any subject they want to know. Modern innovations such as social media, television, and the internet have vastly changed the way children communicate and obtain information.
Chances are your child is continually coming across and learning new ideas even without your active involvement. Do not then be surprised when one day your child comes to you asking about babies, where they come from, or even about sex. It is important to seize the opportunity to educate your child and correct any misinformation they might have picked up from elsewhere. You must be confident and comfortable enough to talk to your child about it.
The focus of your discussion will depend on the age and maturity of your child. You may opt to focus on the point of protecting the child from sexual abuse, averting teenage pregnancy and preventing sexually transmitted diseases, or handling pubertal changes (not just physically but also emotionally).
Even if your child doesn’t approach you, you should still find the right opportunity and occasion to introduce the subject as it is important to do so before it’s too late, or before they get the wrong information from other sources.
In order to be prepared and to approach the topic properly, you will need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. If you’ve never given it much thought, perhaps now would be a good time for you to consider composing your thoughts and ideas. The topic of sex is a highly complex web of biological facts, social taboos, religious, and moral standpoints.
It is useful to bear in mind the age of your child and his or her personal characteristics to get a better idea on how to proceed. Above all else, do not underestimate your child’s intellect and capacity for understanding. By keeping this in mind, you can avoid coming off as condescending or patronising which could potentially offend your child and make him or her “tune out” from the conversation.
Tips
Be confident and relaxed
Answer your child’s questions as naturally as you can. This will help you earn your child’s trust, making him/her feel like you are someone who knows what you are talking about. Try not to be quick to judge or laugh at any question, even if they seem unusual or embarrassing. If the thought of talking about sex seems overwhelming, it might help to rehearse your answers and explanations beforehand, either alone or with your spouse.
Keep explanations simple and concise
Most children under the age of six would be content with an explanation such as “a man’s sperm joins a woman’s egg in the womb, which is located in the belly, and the baby begins to grow”. You could also explain that when a man and woman love each other, they like to be very close to each other. This would help set up the notion in their minds that sexual intercourse is an act of love. But there is no need to explain the concept of making love to very young children as they wouldn’t be able to understand it. However, generally speaking, once they’ve reached the age of eight and beyond, they will have more questions due to physical changes caused by hormones and influences from peers, or other sources. Try to provide them with accurate information, while making them feel good about their bodies and helping them to make responsible decisions.
Use a book
A good children’s book about sex and sexuality can be helpful. It’s easier for your child to grasp what you are teaching them if they had already read up and familiarised themselves with the basic parts of the human reproductive system. From there, you can help to fill in the gaps and answer any queries or doubts they might have over what they have learnt.
Listen attentively
Make sure you really understand your child’s questions and where he/she is coming from before deciding how to respond. Sometimes, it is necessary to prompt them further before answering, for example, you could say, “I am wondering how you think babies get inside their mother’s stomach.” By doing this, you would be able to get a sense of how much they already know about sex and reproduction. You would also find out if they have any misconceptions, fears or concerns regarding the subject, which you could help to clear up later.
Use everyday opportunities
Moments that can act as a “springboard” to discuss matters of sexuality, are such as while watching a TV show together that depicts human relationships or during a visit to the zoo where a mother orang-utan is seen nursing her baby. Make use of opportunities to connect with your child and keep the discussions ongoing.
It’s important to try to get a sense of how much your child is ready to hear at any time. Learning about sex shouldn’t be confined to a oneoff conversation, but rather it should be an unfolding process where kids find out a bit more on the topic each time, as their maturity grows along with their age. Exactly how you choose to answer your child’s questions would depend on your own values.
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