Don’t Fall Into The Cyber Trap

Avoiding the Pitfalls of Cyberspace

What you can do to ensure a safe surfing experience for your child.

In 2010, Norton, an Internet security company, published a family report that showed Malaysian children spend an average of 64 hours online every month. This data points to the fact that children nowadays are exposed to the Internet at an early age. Since children are becoming increasingly tech-savvy, they easily spend much of their time immersed in cyber-reality. This is especially true in the case of busy parents who spend little time with their children.

This begs the question – should you allow your child free rein to use the Internet? To put it in simple terms, it is advisable to keep any young child’s Internet use under supervision. The reason you should monitor a young child’s usage is to filter out the unsuitable contents that are online, such as pornography, websites with misleading information, or instructions for harmful activities. These websites would likely be a negative influence on them, so it is important that you guide your child effectively.

When the child is older, you may switch from supervising them to monitoring them. There are many unobtrusive ways that you may do so, but it is advised that you keep your child apprised of this fact, and equally importantly, that you explain the reasons why it is necessary to monitor them.

Read on to learn more about what you can do to promote a healthy Internet experience for your child.

How the Internet Affects Your Child

Social networking sites are hugely popular among Malaysians. In asurvey by international market research leader Taylor Nelson Sofres (TNS), Malaysians were found to have an average of 233 Facebook friends while spending nine hours weekly on social networking sites. Both rank as the highest in the world, beating Brazilians who have an average of 231 Facebook friends, and the Russians who spend 8 hours a week on social networking sites.

Putting the Internet to good use

Such frequent usage of the Internet will definitely affect the social, cognitive and psychological development of your child or adolescent. The vast amount of information, knowledge and opinions from online sources can potentially stimulate and broaden your child’s horizons.

In terms of cognitive development, research has shown that
exposure to computers at a young age:

• Helps boost your child’s cognitive development.
• Enhances reading abilities.
• Stimulates cognitive processes that deal with texts and images.
• Exercises planning skills, searching strategies, and evaluation of information whilst navigating websites.
• Helps develop effective thinking and problem-solving skills.
• Can enrich school-based learning by providing more facts.
• Can facilitate creative and intellectual collaborations with others.

Some pitfalls to be alert for

Despite the positive potentials offered by the Internet, there are potentially damaging drawbacks to its use. Spending too much time online can:

• Handicap your child’s ability to read body language.
• Make them miss out on physical activity/exercises.
• Cause them to spend less time with their family and real-life relationships, thus making them focus on virtual relationships as a substitute.
• Lead to narcissism, which is a psychological condition where a person overestimates his or her abilities and has an excessive need to be admired and constantly needs affirmation of his or her achievements. A severely narcissistic person may exhibit traits of severe selfishness, often holds other people in low regard, and lacks the ability to empathise with others.
• Cause them to become addicted. This will have a negative impact on their lives. He or she may skip meals, forgo sleep, neglect their studies, and even jeopardise real-life relationships with friends or family, just so they can spend more time online or in the pursuit of virtual relationships.
• Cause them to develop a distorted view of life. Excessive time spent playing online games can confuse children and possibly lead to situations where they are unable to distinguish between virtual and real life.

Another possible negative is that your child may think their identity cannot be traced, thus paving the way for antisocial behaviour online (such as cyber-bullying, cyber-stalking, or other anti-social behaviours).

The Internet paradox

The situations above outline an interesting paradox, and to help your child to navigate safely through the Internet requires you to start them off on the right foot. The Internet itself is a neutral medium, and it is how your child uses it that determines the positive or negative impact on your child’s development.

You play a pivotal role in guiding your child as he or she may face difficulty in determining what is real and what is not, thus your child may believe everything that he or she sees online to be real. This can be dangerous.

Avoiding the trap

If you allow your child to use the Internet, ensure that you:

• Supervise them if they are still young. This helps you accomplish two goals; spend quality time with your child, and guide them as they explore the Internet.
• Monitor their Internet usage if they are older; this allows them to use the Internet on their own, and leaves you with the option to check what use they are using the Internet for. Of course, you should take care not to excessively monitor them, as it could cause them to feel that you are invading their privacy.*

Regardless of their age, the two basic steps below will apply:

1. Teach them about online etiquette and safety.
2. Don’t allow them to spend too much time online.

Online Do’s and Don’ts (for parents)

• DO your homework; check websites and/or its contents out before allowing your child to visit them.
• DO brief your child on cyber-bullying, netiquette, and online safety. This helps your child avoid becoming a victim, and also stops him/her from being an online troublemaker.
• DON’T be afraid to keep tabs on your child. Join his/her social media sites if you feel it is necessary, but make some allowances for his/her privacy by not posting or making comments.
• DON’T be afraid to ask others for help. Talk to other parents, teachers, or search online for support groups for parents.

Online Do’s and Don’ts (for children)

• DO tell your parents if you are pestered/harassed in a chat room, via emails or SMS.
• DON’T ‘talk’ to strangers online and never meet them in real-life.
• DON’T give out personal information (name, address, age, phone number, birthday, email address, your school, and anything else about you) without your parents’ permission. This applies to joining clubs or entering contests.

A Guiding Hand

An interview with Generasi Gemilang (a non-profit organisation that promotes “cyber wellness”). Their emphasis is on the positive well-being of all Internet users and a healthy cyber culture among the Internet community at large.

Generasi Gemilang offers some insight into how you can talk to your child, and if the lines of communication are not strong, how you can re-establish the lines of communication. There are more to cyber issues than just safety and security.

Nick Foong, Head of the Cyber Wellness programme in Generasi Gemilang commented, “It’s also about the person using the Internet, and how a person reacts to what they’re seeing and doing online. Communication between you and your child is absolutely critical in this digital era.”

“Parents definitely need to spend time with their child, because it is through this relationship that parents help their children develop good character and values,” Nick stresses.

Kids and gadgets

Daniel Tan, Executive Director of Generasi Gemilang added, “The philosophy we teach parents is that you should never hand a gadget to a child unless you know that he or she has the values to use it wisely. Once the child has a gadget in their hands, it’s hard to take it away. Never give a child a gadget until he or she knows when to stop using it and when to pick it up.”

Nick believes that the specific times and number of hours that you allow your children to use gadgets should be discussed and agreed by both parent and child. If parents are away at work, they can install parental control software on the computer to control when their child can go online or block deviant sites.

Monitoring your older child

However, this is only useful if a child is below 12 years old, and Nick advocates a different approach for teenagers, “If you are a teen and know that your computer is monitored and spied on with parental control software, you will not like it. We advise parents to sit down with their children and tell them, “This is what dad or mom will do.” Explain that you’re doing it because you love them and want to protect them from harmful websites. Sit down in front of the computer and install the software together.”

“This software is for the good of both the teen and the parent. For example, addiction to Internet pornography can affect adults too. So tell your child, “Would you help dad be accountable as well? This computer will not only monitor your behaviour, it will also monitor mine.”

Dealing with your child’s gaming addiction

Nick explained, “When somebody is addicted to something, be it social networking or gaming, it’s usually triggered by a void in a person’s life. Parents should start a conversation with their child.”

“Be careful not to turn it into an interrogation!” Nick warned. “Try asking them about the game they are addicted to. Learn what your child finds so fascinating about it. If they refuse to open up at first, you can use Google to find out more about the game. This allows you to carry a conversation with your child. Once you’ve re-established a connection with your child, you will be able to teach, mentor, and guide them.”

Using the right approach

Daniel was quick to caution parents against the use of scolding or other punishments, as this may lead to the teenager exhibiting more unwanted behaviours. Daniel said, “They may resort to running away from home, stealing money, or going to cyber cafes. It’s a better approach for parents to try to get into the child’s world and understand why they’re addicted.”

He added that a lot of addictions were found to be the result of feeling a lack of purpose in life, and that parents play a pivotal role in helping their children to find that purpose.

Equipped for Cyber Wellness and Safety

The advent of technology is a reality we have to handle, thus we should learn to utilise it as a tool for the positive development of our children. As long as you are there as a guide to help your child’s growth along during their exposure to the cyber world, the benefits of the cyber-world far outweigh its dangers.

Striking a balance

Rather than thinking of restricting access to the Internet, make sure that your child is occupied with other activities such as exercising, playing and everything else. As long as your child has a healthy combination between the virtual world and real-life, there shouldn’t be much to worry about.

Parents need to educate their children on the risks they are exposed to when they go online. Make sure that they are fully aware of the recently introduced section 114A of the Evidence Act of 1950, because anything they post online can get them into trouble.

Cyber – bullying

Since cases of cyber-bullying among kids are becoming more rampant these days, you need to be sensitive to changes in your child’s personality. Your child’s self-esteem and emotional health will be affected by cyber-bullying, so it’s important to give them moral support. Reassure them that they have nothing to feel guilty about, because the fault lies with the bully and not with them.

Try blocking the person who is bullying by adjusting the settings of emails, social networking sites and instant messaging programs. Report the bullying incident to the site administrator, and if things get out of hand, notify your child’s teachers or school administrators and let them know what has been happening.

Common symptoms to watch out for are:

• Distress during or after using the Internet.
• Fiercely protective of their digital life.
• Withdraws from their friends/family.
• Shows changes in their sleep or appetite.

On the other hand, if your child is the cyber-bully, look into it immediately. Talk to your child calmly without resorting to lecturing, or patronising. Have an open and honest conversation to find out why your child has resorted to cyber-bullying. Get your child to empathise with his/her victim; ask him/her how he/she would feel if someone did the same thing to him/her instead. Once your child understands the consequences of his/her actions, get him/her to make amends by apologising to the victim. Depending on the severity of the case, you may need to contact the parents of the victim yourself in order to apologise for your child’s actions, and to explain that you are also taking actions to ensure it does not happen again.

Follow up by punishing your child, either by limiting, or even completely removing all his/her access privileges to the Internet. This may even have to be extended to include the use of not just computers, but also handphones as the bullying may continue via SMS.

You will need to get the point across to your child that their access to the Internet/technology is a privilege, and if they abuse that privilege, they will lose it.

Cyber – predators

There also exist predators that prey on innocent children through the Internet. Advise them to follow the Internet Do’s & Don’ts on page 8. Tell them to inform you if they ever receive any messages or have conversations that are frightening or scary in nature, especially if this happens repeatedly.

Other steps you can take include:

• Encouraging your child to use well-moderated chat rooms.
• Discourage your child from leaving the public chat area and entering private chat rooms.
• Be alert for warning signs that your child is the target of a cyber-predator.

If you learn that an online predator has indeed made your child their target, get in touch with Cyber999 right away.

On the whole, parents need to go one step beyond just monitoring their child’s online activities, and instead, focus more on developing trust, establishing accountability and keeping lines of communication open between parent and child. In this way, it is possible to avoid the pitfalls of cyberspace by teaching your child how to be responsible, while being there to advise and guide them whenever they need you.

Cyber999 can be reached at 1-300-88-2999 (during office hours) or +6019-2665850 (for emergencies). For more methods of getting in touch with Cyber999, visit their website at http://www.mycert.org.my/en/services/report_incidents/cyber999/main/detail/443/index.html

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